Finally

You know I can be very fickle. Or at least easily swayed.

I don't like to be wronged and I hate it when I realize I've wronged other people.

There's this app I have a love-hate relationship with called TimeHop. I've recently realized that I brace myself whenever I open it because in the first half of the year there may be a reminder of how dumb happy I was when I was with you and in the second half of the year there may be a reminder of how miserable I was once you were gone. When I was broken.

It's been five years now and I still feel like it affects me. But I realize it's different now. Still, I would think of it less if TimeHop didn't remind me.

I went into the 2012 section of my Timeline on Facebook today with a strong decision to erase anything and everything from that year that made me think of you or us. I don't know if you know this, but your timeline works in reverse order even when you go back to previous years. So I worked backward. From being completely angry to completely hurt, from hurt to completely numb, from numb to feeling like I was suffocating, from suffocating back to knowing I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. Your sweet replies or comments to things I posted. I realized something that I often forget- you felt all those things too.

The worst thing is when someone feels exactly how you do and you don't know it. I realize now you didn't wake up a day or two later alright and back to normal. I realize now that you never wanted things to end the way they did, that it all just kind of crashed regardless of either of our attempts or desires to stop it.

I stopped editing 2012 because I came to a realization: we were great together for that time. And that's okay. We were in a season together. Now we're in very different seasons apart. That's where we were always supposed to end up. It doesn't mean you didn't love me, because I do believe you did. I don't know if being together was God's best in that season, but I know that God used everything to make me want to be my best for God.

I don't know if it's silly to you that it's taken me so long to get here. You were woven into the fabric of my heart. It's taken me a long time to realize there are some parts that will always resemble you and that's nothing to be ashamed of or angry about.

So I'm writing this because I acknowledge that the season, the whole season, is over and I'm closing the book on that season in my heart. Kind of like the bittersweet movie endings I love so much. I don't want to be angry anymore, sad anymore, swap break-up stories anymore. I don't want to be defined by that. I'm starting a new season today that will bring me to a far off place. A season that you don't touch at all. Whenever my former season is brought to my memory, I'll smile for so many reasons that are and aren't you and be grateful for the smiles we shared.

 
I hope that you are healed and happy. Life is too short for brokeness to reign.
I hope all the best things for you and your growing family. That you are all growing closer to God.
I hope that she lets you play all the country music and Call of Duty you want.
I hope she is the one whom your soul loves.
I hope that you will forgive me for my bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, and lack of understanding for so long.
I hope you will take this for what it is- a post about me completely walking away from my season with you and letting it be.

~Fin~

End Saga

Set the Mood for the Post

Today has been a day of slightly late realizations.

For one, I slept on a ginormous chair in my best friend Bekah's room and never even heard her get ready for the day and leave for work. I mean, I slept across the tiny room from her and she had to walk close to my head to get to the door.

I leave for a Minnesota trip on Sunday evening so I decided to be ahead of impending needs and do laundry tonight. I realized, while pulling up to the Levee Tan, that it's Thursday. The Thursday before Halloween. Which meant I had to wait for a sea consisting of a wobbly Christmas tree, a few cheerleaders, a hot nurse, and a number of bananas to part in order for me to enter the parking lot.

You see, at Purdue we have this place called the Neon Cactus. It's kind of a big town/small city/campus version of a night club. The closest you'll get to a night club in a field of corn, at least. And on Thursdays, they have this special with huge mugs. Like huge. And colorful. I'm pretty sure I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I heard the word 'b*tch' between getting out of the car and entering the laundromat. And I find it strange how many guys were dressed as bananas this year. 

I suppose the only thing I really had to fear was finding a parking space and the possibility that an impaired banana could smash into my parked car. I also knew I was more likely to enjoy doing laundry late at night than before work tomorrow.

A part of me doesn't want today to end either.

In the morning, every last belonging of a Riepe in the town of Rossville will be wrapped, packed, or sold. My mom will squiggle her name on a few lines, she'll get in her car, and she'll be gone. But it's not the house that's bothering me.

It's the end of our last adventure as a family. Officially.

Of course, I always knew we'd eventually "break up." But I never really thought my parents would be the ones making the big move. And I know I'll see her next week when I pass through to see my Jon, but I miss my mom.

Breaking up is hard. And I don't want it to be over.



P. S. I didn't think to make my mom a mix CD until this evening. Lame.

"Don't Worry: It Gets Worse": A Review

This post half a book review and half a traditional blog post. Except I'm writing it from my phone. *Disclaimer: if I neglect the use of apostraphes where necessary, it is because my texting habits have deemed apostraphes optional. I do apologize.*

I recently finished reading Alida Nugent's "Don't Worry, It Gets Worse: A Twentysomething's (Mostly Failed) Attempts at Adulthood." If you're a twentysomething in college, read this book and take notes. It will prepare you for the days ahead. If you're a twentysomething college graduate, read this book. It will encourage you to know you're not alone in the struggle. If you're a parent of a twentysomething, read this book. It will help you understand what's going on in your twentysomething's life. If you simply enjoy great reads, read it! 

I fall into the twentysomething college graduate category. While some of my engineering fellow Boilermakers were starting their careers or landing RAships and TAships (again, in their career field), I was working nights at a chicken joint and occassionally selling clothes to Jenny, Mike, & The Kids. I'll be honest, there were engineering friends who didn't land a job right away, but a linguist with a BA who isn't fluent in a second language can't get very far. This is where Alida comes in.

Alida majored in writing (or was it English?) at Emerson college and graduated a lot like me: clueless and with unique skills. Alida's blunders were very similar to mine and her writing is quite entertaining and witty. 

Uncertainties are everywhere! Nothing good happens after 2am! Tequila unleashes the beast at your "mature" party! Alida shares these lessons while laughing at them and acknowledging universal truths. "We all put our pajamas on the same way: one foot at a time in front of a TV with chips falling out of our mouths." Her references to Cheeto dust? Totally about me. 

If you like witty writing, read this book. She does speak crudely, but it's not like most twentysomethings don't speak like that. 

This inbetween phase is hard. And it's weird. I can't remember the last time a saw a movie or watched a show about the phase between college and actually doing what you want to do. The trabsition, the making-it-happen, or starting out phase. I hadn't known what to expect and I've honestly felt stupid. It sounds stupid.

Christina L Riepe:

-22-years-old

-Purdue graduate

-Owns 15 books on Spanish

-Great cooking skills

-Works a receptionist

-And a waitress

-Sells knives

-Lives at home

-Dream: spending the majority of the rest of her life outside the US.

Not only does it sound silly, it sounds dumb. Those facts make me sound like some hippy, privileged, anti-American schmuck. But maybe I give myself too much credit.

Twentysomethings, I believe in you. I believe in you because you're learning how much a dollar really costs. I believe in you because you still believe there's more to life than earning a paycheck to pay bills. Even if that's the only thing on your mind this week. I believe in you because Bender from the Breakfast Club and DanIsNotOnFire & AmazingPhil are your heroes. I believe in you because you've made it this far alive. 

I also love reading your blogs.

For the rest of you, help a twentysomething out by paying a lunch date for them. They probably haven't eatten anything besides toast this week. And don't make fun of people you know who regularly post YouTube videos or write on Tumblr. They just might write a book.

<3

The Waiting Game: A Ramble?

I want you to think about the thing you love most to do.
The thing you would make time for in your schedule, cancel other plans for, and may make you forget things like sleep and (dare I say it?) food exist.

Now, I want you to think of the thing you are the best at.
Not in comparison with other people. The one thing that you can say "Hey, I'm ok at racquetball, but I'm a boss when it comes to _____." If you're that guy playing Call Of Duty for six-hours a day but has sub-par averages, then you cannot fill that blank with Call of Duty. If you're a beast at making Mac N Cheese, and you are legitimately good at it, put Mac N Cheese in that blank. I want you to think long and hard about this question before you fill in the blank.

The two things you've named above may be very different. They might be the same thing. However, are you willing to commit the rest of your life to doing one of both of those things till, say, your head no longer grows hair, you have wrinkles all around your mouth and you die? If you chose food or sleep for either of them, you're cheating. I could eat hummus and pizza till the Rapture happens, but you also need food to survive. If alcohol was your answer, I highly recommend you check yourself into a program that can help you safely enjoy alcohol. Or that death thing may happen sooner than you want it to.

What are you willing to do all day, every day, for the rest of your life? A few of you twentysomethings reading this blog might be freaking out right now. "The rest of my life?!?! I don't even know if I'll be in the same major next week!!!" said the dude with a YOLO tattoo.
It's a big question. An important question. Lots of people don't know the answer. Sometimes that answer is scary. If you don't know your answer, THAT'S OK.

If you answered all three of these, I'm so glad you have patience and are willing to be challenged in an ever so strange way.

If you answered all three of these in under five minutes, not only are you a faster reader than I am, but you've got something very special.

My answer for all three of these is linguistics. (surprise!) Specifically, field linguistics and language development. How that will practically look (i.e. translation, literacy, survey) I'm not sure. But, I believe in my heart of hearts that I was born to use linguistics to reach people for Christ.

This is what is more commonly known as a Calling. Most people spend an usually large proportion of their lives trying to figure out what their calling is and the other portion of their lives figuring out how to execute it. My problem is not finding this calling, although that stage was rough, but actually getting to the point where I can do said calling. I'm thankful for knowing what my calling is. I had a conversation with a coworker at Vector where I was expressing my great desire to go overseas ASAP when he said, "At least you know what your calling is." He then proceeded to look distantly with a 'you have something that seems impossible for me' expression.

I know what I want to do. But can I ever get there? As the days roll into weeks and weeks into multiple months, I feel like I'll never be where I want to be. What ifs start to surface and I pay a visit to the Stewarts' and play Settlers of Catan or a few rounds of Nertz in order to stop freaking out. I'm not sure what's worse: not knowing your calling or not being able to pursue that calling. (yet?) I'm sure this story, like so many others, will have a happy ending. I may be the one speaking at a banquet when I'm seventy-years-old talking about how I became a widow at a young age (not at this rate) because my husband was killed in some sort of guerrilla war against Christians but I stayed on the field anyway and if I can do it, you can too! and dozens of young adults will join the fight to end Bible Poverty.

It's frustrating. In the mean time, in the land between, in my desert, I desire so earnestly to do the work I've been trained for and called to do. And can't. Maybe there's a particular reason I'm being held back. Maybe I'm not ready for the mission field. Maybe my mission field isn't ready for me. Maybe there are people I'm not done ministering to here yet.

Until then, I'm playing the waiting game. While I wait, I'm working two jobs, hopefully going to start a masters degree, leading a Biblestudy (soon), planting a tree (so maybe that's a joke), and letting people know I'm passionate about this work.

I'm just really hoping I don't pull a Moses and wait forty years to be assigned to my duties.

But we'll see.

Top 5 College Movies

When I started college, I knew there were going to be a few movies that ev-ery-one had seen and maybe some movies that were borderline cult films. I assumed Star Wars would be one of them, but the disgust the hipster geeks had for the prequels squelched any hope of that. The Ring was another guess I made, but apparently that was more of a high school era film.

Therefore, ladies and gentlemen, I have composed to the best of my ability the top five movies of my college experience. These movies were the most quoted, the most seen, and the most likely to be played in the background to a game of euchre or with 'Sunny D' in-hand. 




 #5

 Zombieland

I'm pretty sure this movie reminded us how much we love Twinkies. I'm also pretty Zombieland is why we freaked out over the Hostess scare last year. Thanks to Zombieland, we now have numerical rules for life, we realized how B.A. Emma Stone is, and we remembered how much we love Bill Murray. Oh. And how much we hate clowns. So get past the gore and have a laugh.

P.S. Be a hero. 

 #4

 

Super Troopers

For all it's weirdness, I have to admit, I enjoy this movie. Totally thought it was the dumbest thing ever when I saw it for the first time. It's vulgar and the story line is weak, but hey, you gotta love the classics, right? If you hear your twenty-something saying the word 'meow' a lot, it's because they've seen this movie.

P.S. You may need more Maple Syrup. Or powdered sugar.

#3

 

Zoolander

Sadly, I've only seen this one once. But I hear about it. ALL THE TIME. In my opinion, the best installment of Ben Stiller/Owen Wilson ever. So if you're really really really good looking and you want to read good and do other things good, you should watch it sometime.

P.S. Will Farrell is also in it. *yesss!*

 #2

 

The Breakfast Club

As I said earlier, the classics never die. John Hughes was pretty ahead of his time. The older I get, the more I understand the themes of this movie. The less I hate Bender and the more I hate Richard Vernon. We've all got our own problems, our own brokeness. Sometimes you need your own group of misfits to admit that and start working through it.

P.S. Don't you forget about me.







#1

Mean Girls

"On Wednesdays, we wear pink" and "Boo you whore" were too very important lines to take away from this movie. Tina Fey managed to (mostly) reconcile a whole gym of high school girls and a dude in a blue hoody was brave enough to point out the fact that "she doesn't even go here!"

P.S. Fetch is never going to happen.








Do you agree with my top 5? If you've got movies you think I missed or you totally think I was off base with a few, let me know! I want to know about your college experience.

Keep Calm & Stay Fetch

What I learned in 2013

I have a more thoughtful post on the slate, but it's taking a large amount of time and effort to finish.... So today, I give you a list of things I learned in 2013.

1. I'm starting to feel old
2. Having more than two roommates can get really messy
3. Sometimes, even though you pray selflessly for someone(s) repeatedly, God's plan is different
4. The BMV is stupid
5. North Dakota isn't always super hot
6. I-29 does not have 24-hr convenience stores until you get to South Dakota
7. Even the best plans can seriously backfire
8. I have trust and jealousy issues
9. Survey is not like I thought it would be
10. When you reach out to bless someone, you are usually blessed more than they
11. I don't remember what happens in The Hobbit
12. My manager, Barry, is amazing to work for.
13. I am Gomer (Hosea reference)
14. Tattoos hurt
15. Just because you live at home doesn't mean you'll see your family more
16. Intentions are great, but only if you follow through
17. Key West is not a family vacation destination
18. Key Lime Pie on a stick dipped in chocolate is amazing!
19. Lobster isn't all that great
20. Aunts and Uncles are
21. Honestly is tough. Even with your best friend, but it's always worth it
22. Brian Adams will make you sentimental
23. So does Coldplay
24. And Matt Kearney
25. Retail is the slowest job ever
26. Just because you found your dream, doesn't mean you're ready to execute it
27. Not all dreams are meant to be fulfilled
28. Being an adult is hard
29. It's possible for someone you only met once to change your life. Forever.
30. Bloomington is gorgeous
31. Most relationships end. Make the most of your break-up
32. Even lava lamps need some TLC sometimes
33. Whether you realize it or not, you have baggage. Unpack with someone regularly
34. Don't rush. Rushing is bad!
35. Forgiveness is hard
36. The Bronte sisters are not all they're cracked out to be
37. Leading a Bible study is awesome
38. Feeling pretty is important
39. Whether you're scheduling someone for an interview or asking someone out, it's important to build rapport
40. It's possible to age ten years in a matter of months.
41. Babies are expensive
42. Saying goodbye is hard
43. What we have is a huge blessing. If it's forgiveness, health, healing, grace, mercy, redemption, salvation, reconciliation, trust, honor, respect, a good reputation, a positive outlook, it's way more than what you could have had.

44. Life is a gift. Unwrap it with care and always be thankful.


Soli Deo Gloria

Unicorns & Flannel

A week or so ago, I was having dinner with my boss when I made a reference to something that was very Scandinavian in nature.

"That was such a Minnesota thing," he said while he ate his slice of pizza. "What other types of Minnesota-specific things are there?"

I thought for a second. "Well, there's fishing. Ice fishing. The funny vowels in words like 'aunt'. The Red Green Show---"

"The Red Green Show is flipping amazing," he said staring me in the face. "Is it really Minnesotan?"

"It's actually a Canadian show, but there aren't many differences," I replied. We continued to talk about the Red Green Show and how awesome it is for a while when I came to this realization:
My expectations of men came from the Red Green Show.

Think about it. To me, a man is a guy who meets these criteria:
Wears flannel. Regularly.
Is hairy.
Goes fishing.
Goes ice fishing.
Spends more time in his garage or truck than in the house.
Spends more time fixing your vehicles, lawnmower, weed-whacker, leaf-blower, snow-blower, and ice fishing hutch heater than fixing your dishwasher or air conditioner.
Knows 101 uses (and counting) for the handyman secret weapon: duct tape.
If duct tape doesn't solve it, WD-40 will.
His motto is "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."

Nearly every single character in Red Green meets these criteria.

No wonder Hoosiers think I'm weird. I subconsciously have these expectations which are incredibly culture based. Ahh!

A guy like that is hard to find in these parts, but so is a guy who meets Biblical standards of manliness. Bekah and I have frequently had conversations about the young men in our lives and how we feel, well, disappointed in them. Apart from SIL (which only meets during the summertime) I can only fill one hand with the young men I know who truly love the Lord and are walking in him. Sure, we know plenty of guys who claim to love Christ or claim to be good guys, but in reality they're no different. A young man who truly loves the Lord is about as scarce as a unicorn.

Where are you, young men? Are you working on becoming that Biblical male? Are you growing in the Lord and learning to love Him more? Are you asking for the Lord to give you a greater desire for Him and His Word? Are you becoming the man God wants you to be? Are you becoming the man that I need you to be?

I need you. Our country needs you. The lost need you. Future generations need you. How long will you be satisfied with less than God's best? How many more times will you pick up the remote control instead of your Bible? Brothers, a number of us have lost hope in your existence. We need you to guard us, to guide us, and to encourage us. 

Basics. They're--- well, basic.

Faith.Grace.Prayer.Repentance.Forgiveness.Bible.Justification.

I'm assuming a number of you reading this blog have been Christians for quite some time. Some of you might not be, but I encourage you to continue reading anyway. What comes to mind when you see the seven words at the beginning of this post? Can you remember who told you what those words mean or where Scripture talks about them? Can you cohesively explain them to someone who's new in Christ?

After we've been a part of the Family for awhile, we tend to move on to 'more advanced' subjects like Free Will vs Predestination or Pedo vs Believers baptism or 'Do you receive the Spirit at birth or when you become saved?' All these subjects are important, but when it comes to courses in Christian basics, we tend to think we don't need them. 'Those classes are for infants in Christ.' Are they? When was the last time you thought about what the Bible basis for prayer was? Why prayer? How does prayer work? Who is prayer about? Even professional basketball players routinely practice basic skills (dribbling?).

For the past few weeks, I've been in a Sunday School class called Spiritual Bootcamp. The class has been a wonderful refresher for me. I've also learned a number of things about the subjects above and others. It doesn't mean I didn't know the fundamentals. It doesn't mean I didn't have a biblical foundation. But I've discovered there were places my biblical foundation needed to be refortified.

We can so easily discard the basics and fundamentals as 'easy' and 'no-brainers.' But how easy are the fundamentals? Is it easy to deal with the reality that you are a filthy sinner who deserves enduring the eternal wrath of God? Is it easy to believe a righteous God sent His ONLY Son to endure that wrath so you didn't have to? Is it easy to praise God in the storm of reality? Is it easy to leave the future of a loved one living in rebellion to God? Is it always easy to pray?

Brothers and sisters, we live in a broken, fall world. We are attacked on all sides and if we do not perform maintenance on our foundation, it will begin to rot. I encourage you to get back to basics. Talk about the concept of grace or faith or love with a pastor or spiritual leader. Take a course of Spiritual Bootcamp. When have you ever regretted strengthening the most important relationship you'll ever have? It may give you the tools you need to share your faith with someone. You may come to find out that you were not who you thought you were. Anyway you slice it, it's worth it.

<3

Sunday Morning Expansion

^{John 21:4-14 
 4} Just as day was breaking, Jesus stood on the shore; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. ⁵ Jesus said to them, “Children, do you have any fish?” They answered him, “No.” ⁶ He said to them, “Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you will find some.” So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in, because of the quantity of fish. ⁷ That disciple whom Jesus loved therefore said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he was stripped for work, and threw himself into the sea. ⁸ The other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they were not far from the land, but about a hundred yards off.
⁹ When they got out on land, they saw a charcoal fire in place, with fish laid out on it, and bread. ¹⁰ Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish that you have just caught.” ¹¹ So Simon Peter went aboard and hauled the net ashore, full of large fish, 153 of them. And although there were so many, the net was not torn. ¹² Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” Now none of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. ¹³ Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and so with the fish. ¹⁴ This was now the third time that Jesus was revealed to the disciples after he was raised from the dead.

 This was (roughly) the passage Pastor Glenn preached from this morning. He talked about how God provided for the disciples abundantly even when they didn't know it was Christ, at first. The net did not break, even though it should have from its load. Jesus had a fire for their catch all ready when they got back to shore. 

I love my pastor and he made wonderful observations and the sermon overall was really good. But I couldn't help thinking of how this passage applied to a couple of situations I have been involved in the past few weeks. 

A couple of friends who are dear to me have been going through some of the most difficult experiences in their lives to date. Each of these friends has come to me for advice, for help, for encouragement, or for a shoulder to cry on. Three years ago, two years ago, a year ago, I wouldn't have been able to be there for these friends like I can now. I have the completed picture of my life's tragedy in my past and it's given me the tools I need to help the ones I love go through similar experiences. 

God provided for me abundantly in my trials, but that was not the end of that. I firmly believe God allows bad things to happen to us so that we can share our testimonies with others. Our testimonies give credit to who God is and helps us advice others. My suffering is an avenue of service. Not only was I provided for abundantly, but the ones I care for are also being provided for abundantly. 

Loved one, you may be reading this blog. God is providing for you. Abundantly.
Don't forget.
I love you.
<3

To Lighten the Mood

I'm aware that the last post was rather depressing and melancholy, so I've decided to write about more uplifting topics today.

Over the past couple months or so, I'm happy to tell you that we have a new brother and sister in Christ. I was filled with so much joy to the point of tears on both accounts. The sister is a former Mormon who had been having spiritual discussions with two co-workers at Chick-fil-A.  The brother is a young man who grew up in my home church (First Baptist of Delphi) and had strayed somewhat from his upbringing during college. I've seen so much growth and fruit from this young man in the few weeks I've been back in Indiana. It fills me with tremendous joy.

I was (finally) able to visit a very old friend (pretty much like a sister to me) last week and her family. Her youngest son was born pre-maturely, but now he is a happy, strong little boy. Did I mention he's very inquisitive and loves to take books off of shelves to look at them? We must have a future scholar on our hands, er, laps. ;)

A number of couples are anticipating the birth of their first-born children. One of the ladies was a dear friend of mine in high school and I'm excited that she gets to step into this next step of her life. Two couples I know are not married. I'm comforted to know that God can redeem any situation and that babies born in even the worst of circumstances still bring Him joy and glory. Their conception may have been an 'accident' in our eyes, but they are formed by God. He was not surprised at the result in the pregnancy test. He doesn't think this is a catastrophe.

My allergies are much better today. My eyes weren't sore and raw like they have been for days. Nobody today has asked me if I'm tired or been crying about something. Allergies go, but chronic pain stays. A woman who is almost like my second mother experiences a level six pain on a day to day basis.

God is sovereign and gives us grace to endure what is beyond our control. The bad things, the hard things, the things that break you're heart are not God's weakness being revealed, but our weakness recognizing God's strength.

"7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;" --- 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

God has the victory. We may be near insanity or despair, but we if we have Christ, we have the ultimate victory. It's hard times that make the deliverance significant.

"11 For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh." --- 2 Corinthians 4:11

Our suffering identifies us with Christ. That is an honor and a joy.

Baffled

I don't consider myself to be an intellectual. I don't claim to be smart or dumb. I consider myself pretty mediocre. I am easily baffled but I don't have a problem filling out an order form or billing information or renewing my vehicle's registration online.

Some of the things that baffle me are as follows: 

Calculus

Whether zebras are white with black stripes or black with white stripes

People who are just plain mean or bitter

X bar theory (for all you linguists out there)

Plain bagels

Hot dogs

IU fans

Food Stamps

Another thing that baffles me is life.

Think about it.

Every morning you wake up, you anticipate the rest of your life being the same as today or relatively similar to yesterday. If you do think there's going to be a change, it's one you anticipate or one you are in control of. One of the biggest illusions we have as Americans (or as human beings) is we each think 'I am the master of my own destiny.' Well, no. 

Within the last year

4 good friends of mine have been fired or laid-off from their jobs

2 have been diagnosed with progressive cancers

1 of the above died a month ago

A friend's baby was born already dead

Close friends are experience major chronic pain

Both of my parents have had surgeries and spent more than two days each in the hospital

For the first time in my life, my dad was unable to work for months

Within the last few weeks, more than three dating couples who had been together between 15 months and 3 years broke up

Friends, family friends, and family are all having issues outside their control and others are suffering life long consequences for past decisions

I don't know if it's because of my age or what, but I don't remember this much sorrow going on in the lives of those close to me before. My heart aches for these people. It baffles me that God has spared me from enduring these things. 

I've been thinking about this a lot over the summer:
Why has the Lord chosen to spare me? I'm no better than these people. As a matter of fact, I deserve to be the one enduring unimaginable troubles.
But this is not his plan for me. Maybe he is breaking my heart for these loved ones that I may pray and serve them. Maybe he does have unimaginable troubles in store for me and he's called me to learn from the trials of others in preparation for my own.

Through the above people who are suffering, I see God providing in equally unimaginable ways. God's grace in action, God's love in action, people coming closer together or hearing about him for the first time. Not all suffering leads to despair.

I pray that God provide for their needs and that I learn from their experiences and can encourage them. I also pray, with a burdened heart, for those who don't know him. His heart breaks for you. Let him catch your tears and lift you up.
It will cost you your life, but it will be a life worth living.


"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." --- Matthew 11:28

Wrapping Up the Summer

I apologize if this post contains way more information than a normal blog post should. I had every intention of writing a post weeks ago, but things like SIL, moving, and my job had other plans. ;)

The last two weeks of SIL, I was fortunate to be in bed before 1:30am. Seriously. I slept so little during the week and I napped once or twice. I usually nap all the time at SIL. Haha, not this time! My weekends weren't any better. The second weekend of July I went to Minot, the third weekend of July I went to Detroit Lakes, and the last weekend of July I went to Minot (once again) for the State Fair. I really enjoyed my time at SIL despite the deadlines and project requirements etc. Somewhere in there I had a week that had over four projects due. Finals week was my easiest week since June. Yes, finals weeks was easier.

I was glad to be done with classes, to see friends and family I had missed, and I was very excited to start earning a paycheck again. However, I was more sad to leave. I always enjoy my time at SIL, but each summer has been different from all the summers before it. I'm in a different place emotionally and spiritually each summer and each summer I learn something about God that positively astounds me.

I was blessed to have two riding companions come with me as far as Chicago on the return trip. Their names are Larinda and Brenda*. Larinda is the 4th (I think) of twelve or thirteen children. She's a graduate of Moody Bible Institute and lives with her family in South Carolina. She hopes to do Bible Translation in South America. Brenda has two siblings (I think) who are brothers. Brenda is Korean but she grew up in China where her dad was/is a Bible translator. Brenda graduated from high school early and finished her undergraduate degree at CanIL in Vancouver (the Canadian version of SIL that also offers courses during the fall and spring). Brenda and Larinda both started their Masters programs this summer. All three of us were homeschooled. :)

We left Grand Forks on Friday at 2pm CT. From Grand Forks to Minneapolis is a five hour drive, but with these ladies it felt like two. We rolled into Chicago two hours later than we had anticipated, but it didn't matter so much to us. After dropping off the two girls, I trudged the rest of the way to my parents' home in Rossville, IN and passed out on the couch around 6:30am EST. I am so thankful that I had sermons on my iPod to listen to. They engaged my mind long enough to help keep me awake and alert instead of becoming a zombie.

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I slept until about noon when Dad came downstairs. He was the only one home (Mom and the twins were in Florida visiting Grandma & Grandpa) and was surprised to find me on the couch.
"I thought it made more sense to come all the way here and leave my stuff from ND here instead of unpacking it in West Lafayette just to pack it all up again," I said. Or at least, that's what I meant to say. It was a rough day. I'm not a pro at pulling all-nighters and it usually takes me days to recover from pulling one. I left Rossville around 1pm to start packing up my share of my apartment in West Lafayette. I was able to get an extension on the lease, but I didn't want to stay any longer than I had to. Besides, it's hard to get people to come help you move in the middle of the week. It was a Saturday, my family (for the most part) was gone and my best friend was out of town, so I thought my time was best spent packing up.

Now, I had heard of people moving home for the summer from college and the occasional grown-up kid who couldn't make it on his own and had to move back in with Mom & Dad and I was totally okay with the fact that I was going to be living at home again. My family and I were both really happy that we were all going to be living together again. But I hadn't anticipated how hard it was going to be to squeeze my share of an apartment's worth of stuff into my former bedroom. I didn't even take home half of what was mine.

I was by myself packing, I was sleep deprived, my allergies were so bad my eyes were watering and I was sneezing to beat the band, top that off with me being allergic to dust and the worst allergy season in Indiana I can recall, and I give you a pretty pathetic version of me on August 3.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sunday (August 4th), I got to reunite with my church family at First Baptist in Delphi. It was glorious to fellowship with them and be at my church home. A number of people offered to help me move all my stuff which was incredibly helpful. If you're reading this, and you were involved, I just want to reiterate how thankful I am for you. :)

Monday (August 5th) was my first day back at work. You may recall I started working as a receptionist for Vector Marketing in the Lafayette office back in April. I wasn't very focused or productive. Tuesday felt almost as bad.

Tuesday (August 6th), after I got back from day two back at work, I packed up a duffle bag of two to three days worth of clean clothes and toiletries. Mom and the twins got back from the airport around 9pm and Mom, Rebecca, and I were on the road by 10:30pm headed for Colorado Springs.

Now, the back story for the family we were going to see in Colorado Springs is a blog post in and of itself so I will save that for a later time. What you need to know for now is that the woman who was like my second mother while I was growing up went to be with the Lord and we went to Colorado to visit her husband and children.

After another all night trip, we arrived in Colorado on Wednesday afternoon. Thursday, Scott (the husband) took us on a drive to Hoosier Pass, Buena Vista, Fairplay, and South Park (yep, it's a real place!).

We came back after a super duper long drive on Friday (well, technically Saturday morning) and were beat on Saturday. Three all-night drives in a week may be a little to much for me.

Since then, I've been working five days a week (roughly 35-38hours) and meeting with people to catch up. I still have boxes that haven't been touched since the day I left the apartment stacked up in my room and the garage. However, I blame my allergies for holding me back. I feel like I need to take another Benadryl every time I open a box. At least my bookcase now hold (mostly) books and my international collection is sitting nicely on my dresser. Next to my beta fish (it still surprises me that he's still alive). 

I will leave you with the above for now. I plan to write more regularly as I get into the swing of this new life.

As they say in Canada,
Keep your stick on the ice ;)



* is a pseudo-name. I don't know how sensitive I need to be with her information so I am referring to her by a made up name.

The Clock is Ticking

It's 1:17pm central time. Wilkerson Dining Hall served traditional wings and celery (my favorite special lunch item) and the hot weather of the past few days has broken to a lovely high 70s. I've finally figured out how to circulate air in our enormous dorm room with four fans and I'm starting to talk to more people back home in preparation for the journey two weeks from now.

This time is always bittersweet: two weeks left in this nine week trail of blood, sweat, laughter, and tears. I've soaked in every possible moment of this experience. Yes, it has been my heaviest summer work load since Package A (first summer) and my attention span is now short and my apathy level has risen, but SIL is so much more than classes. It's linguistics. It's community. It's a spiritual journey. It's field preparation. It's beneficial. It's hard. It's exhausting. It's refreshing.

It's hard to leave. Some of us are going home, wherever that is. Some of us are going far away for work or research. Some of us will be living in limbo for a few weeks until our next phase starts. Some of us are getting married. Some of us will never return to SIL. There's a part within me that doesn't want to leave and a part of me that can't wait for it to be over. I look forward to being home and seeing family, friends, and co-workers. I don't want to forget what I've been learning here or go back to a mundane routine.

I'm simultaneously excited and terrified about what life will be like when I go home. Before this summer, I was sad I wasn't going to get my summertime in Indiana (which I haven't had since 2010). Now, I'm considering returning to North Dakota next summer as well and pursuing a masters degree.

Yes, a masters degree. I'm currently enrolled as a non-degree seeking graduate student at the University of North Dakota and I'm taking 9-credit hours. It just so happens, that 9-credits is the limit a grad student can transfer into their program. For SIL, the total credit requirement is 32-credits, 4 of which are supposed to be thesis credits. That leaves 19 other credits which I could cover with two full-time summers. Plus, credits are good for seven years. Mine will be good until 2020 (scary!). Theoretically, I could return to SIL for one of those summers next year, do a 4yr term with Wycliffe, return afterward for my last summer at SIL and then write and defend my thesis the following summer. It seems so simple! (notice the word 'seems'). So that's one thing I've been thinking about.

This has been my first summer here without the lovely London Cline (now Brumleve). God gave me such a priceless treasure in her. Not that God hasn't provided a super cool roommate for me this summer. The illustrious Beth Gray has been awesome. At her wedding, London and I agreed we needed to Skype sometime before I went back home. It didn't happen until earlier this week. I anticipated our Skype session to last for an hour and a half or so and to be somewhat about life stuff and somewhat about spiritual stuff. After our first Skype session, we had only covered some life stuff and hadn't even scraped the surface of what we wanted (and probably needed) to share. We scheduled for the next day at the same time. Again, almost two hours of life and getting into deep stuff mixed with spiritual stuff. Our third Skype session is scheduled for Monday afternoon. I can't wait to see what we can share with each other. From my first day of SIL ever, she's been such an encouragement to me and I've been so blessed by her. Thank you, Lord.

As much as I love pouring my heart for the world to see on this blog of mine, I do have a test in Ethnographic Methods today at 4. Your prayers are much appreciated. Ethnography isn't exactly my strong point and there are so. many. terms. agh.

I have more things to tell y'all about, but they will have to wait for later. ;)

<3

If the Lord wills.....

^{James 4:7-8, 13-17 
     7} Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 
     ¹³ Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— ¹⁴ yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. ¹⁷ So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

Psalm 37:4-5
     ⁴ Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. ⁵ Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.


I've been chewing over James 4:13-14 & 17 in my mind for a couple days now. In children Sunday Schools or youth groups, this passage is usually tied with making money or getting rich. The message is so much deeper than that. 

I've been writing letters to some friends I have who are graduating from high school and trying to figure out what advice or wisdom I should give them that I didn't have when I graduated from high school. Looking back, I've realized that I was viewing my future as a compromise between me and God. I wanted to major in Elementary Education so I could be a light to kids in public schools. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely people who are called to do that and it is not an easy calling, but the problem was with my mindset. "Today or tomorrow I will go and become a teacher for awhile and after I've worked enough I'll get married, have children and be a stay-at-home mom" (again, nothing wrong with that if that is your calling). Notice how I critiqued James 4:13 for myself. My motives were pure and admired by lots of people. I love children and legitimately wanted to help them. It was going to be my ministry. I was sure God understood that and would bless it. This is the double-mindedness James 4:8 above is referring to.

This is the interesting part, I hadn't picked my major initially for the purpose of ministry. It was a degree, it was a guaranteed profession, a job I knew I would enjoy, and I'd get summers off to travel and teach English or something, very me oriented things. Around this time was when Brandon Heath's "Give Me Your Eyes" was popular and I seriously considered the message of the song:

"Give me Your eyes for just one second. 

Give me Your eyes so I can see everything I keep on missing. 

Give me Your love for humanity. 

Give me Your arms for the brokenhearted, the ones that are far beyond my reach. 

Give me your eyes for the ones forgotten. 

Give me Your eyes so I can see." 

It wasn't until I started thinking of it as a ministry that my heart began to change. I prayed and asked God to give me His eyes and to show me how He felt about those around me. When I began to see with His eyes and reached out to those around me, I realized a school was not my ministry. This was about the time I took my first linguistics class.

This was a period of intense growth in my spiritual walk. I was mourning a failed relationship and hurting when I came across Psalm 37. The whole chapter is about trusting God, delighting in His character, and giving Him everything. I began to draw near to Him and find healing in the character of God and committing myself to Him. Yes, I had already been saved, but "committing your way to the Lord" is a daily act. When we commit our way to Him daily and delight in His character He fulfills our desires because He gives us those desires. I desired to serve Him no matter what that looked like. I discovered that God was calling me to something far greater than what I had thought He would bless. He was calling me to a life of service and sacrifice for His glory.

If the Lord wills, I will finish my application with Wycliffe and leave for the field in about a year. I will serve Him as much as I can wherever I am until then. My life has been radically changed. I never thought I would do missions. I never imagined how God would change me over the last four years. I never imagined how much He would shape my desires to His desires. I never imagined how simultaneously difficult and wonderful it would be. I trusted Him, and He acted. In my life and in the lives of the people He's helped me see. 

I encourage you, brothers and sisters, to pray for God's eyes. I encourage you to delight yourself in Him and trust Him. Know what your true calling is and do it.

He just might radically change you.

Not What I Intended

It has been entirely too long since I've blogged. I do apologize. My coursework has been heavy the past couple weeks and over the 4th I took an extended weekend in Minneapolis with my mother's sister and her family as well as my best friend.

It was incredibly refreshing for me. Earlier in the week I felt like I was on the verge of imploding from the stress of the work I needed to get done, but God gave me grace to do what I needed to before I could leave. In Minneapolis, my cousin Jonny, Bekah, and I watched a number of movies together, hung out, and made lava cakes. I had my first experience with a dinner movie theater where aunt & uncle had salads, Jonny had a whole pizza, and Bekah & I split wings and fried cheese curds to eat and watched Star Trek: Into Darkness. The movie was amazing. If you're interested in science fiction or are into anything Trekkie or StarWars like, or if you're just up for a good time, I totally recommend it.

I had brought my homework fieldbag with me to do homework, but every time I sat to do some, I couldn't remember what I read and I couldn't process what I was supposed to be doing.

 Super awesome field bag

It turned out three days of doing no homework was exactly the refresher I needed. I was nervous about coming back in the afternoon on Sunday and having a weekends worth of work to do, but I made unbelievable progress within a 7 hour period. 

I've noticed a trend this summer. As my stress and homework level peak and I wonder if I'm about to implode, I pray about it, read the Word, serve somebody here at SIL, and the stress nearly vanishes and I accomplish a lot. 

On the whole, I've been trying to reach out to people here this summer and serve them in ways I can. There's a family I consistently give rides to church, I've babysat for a mom who's here without her husband, a couple girls I tried to encourage and mentor specifically, and an older gentlemen I've prayed with a few times for struggles he has. 

This summer is different than previous summers. I have yet to take a nighttime walk to the chapel or the cube fountain and pour my heart out to God while I read Psalms and pray, I have yet to feel like I've hit my max with getting to know people, and I have yet to cry. 

Well, let me specify: I have cried when praying with John*, teared when I've been struck by God's desire to pursue me or love me, I cried when the lady talked about her inability to conceive and the depression that followed. This is the first summer where I haven't cried for me. My heart has ached to celebrate with my younger 'sisters' graduating from high school and for my amazing siblings who are now adults. My heart has ached to comfort the many people I know back home who are suffering, miserable, or confused. I've cried for being overwhelmed with the love my church family has for me. I've received three cards from them this summer. The last one had so many notes of encouragement and prayer on it that covered both inside pages and the entire back with a few others that trickled onto the front of the card. I hadn't expected to receive any of these cards. Oh yeah, they all made me cry.

The more I grow in my faith, the more I'm amazed at how much I benefit from serving. Service, of course, should be done for others and not out of selfish gain. However, it's totally awesome! I would choose to serve these people without being blessed myself, but it amazes me that it does bless me at all and the more I serve the more I am blessed! 

This post was originally supposed to be about roommate Beth and selected other people, but I guess this post was supposed to be about other things. :)

P.S. I'll be attending a youth group for my Grand Forks church sometime in the next week or so to talk about missions. I hope it goes well...

*pseudo-name 

2 Corinthians 4

4 Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God,^[a] we do not lose heart. ² But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice^[b] cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. ³ And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. ⁴ In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. ⁵ For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants^[c] for Jesus' sake. ⁶ For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. ⁸ We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; ¹⁰ always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. ¹¹ For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. ¹² So death is at work in us, but life in you.
¹³ Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, ¹⁴ knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. ¹⁵ For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
¹⁶ So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self^[d] is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, ¹⁸ as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
  --- 2 Corinthians 4

In chapel yesterday, a woman spoke of her struggle with not being able to conceive a baby and depression. The message of her talk was that we will face hard times. Or at least, that's what stuck out to me. Most people left chapel either red-eyed or in tears. She didn't share this passage in her talk, but her talk pushed me to the Scriptures. I read a chapter from my normal devotional time, but was yearning for more instruction so I started flipping to Paul. I landed on 2 Corinthians because I had the second page dog-eared and wanted to rediscover whatever it was that caught my special attention however long ago. This whole chapter spoke to me.

We like to think that following Christ is easy. We get eternal life, a wealth of community and family, God provides, and we grow. But sometimes, the community or family we have hurts us more than our enemies, God provides less or differently than we anticipate, growth is painful, and according to this passage, having eternal life is, well, hard in our mortal bodies. This passage guarantees physical, emotional, and spiritual troubles. 

Have you ever considered your body or heart to be a representation of Christ crucified? "For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh" (v11). We are not alone in this battle, this fight, or struggle. Jesus has gone before, shared our humanness, and has already felt our heavy heart, the tears that roll down our cheeks, the anxiety, the pain, the isolation. 

The Father promises resurrection. "Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison" (v16-17). Notice the word light. 'This light affliction.' Whatever taxing experience we go through, it certainly never feels like a light affliction. A miscarriage, a broken relationship, joblessness. It is a light load we bare in comparison with Christ. He bore God's wrath so this affliction would be light, bearable. Yet, we will still see a glory we cannot even wrap our brains around when all our afflictions cease.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us" (v7). 'Jars of clay.' The perishable. The mortal. Anything and everything that is not eternal. I used to think that 'jars of clay' were material possessions. Now I believe the connotation is broader than that. I've discovered my treasures are specific people or the relationships I have with them. For the chapel speaker, her treasure was to be a mother, a dream she'd had since childhood. When things go wrong in my relationships or friends fall away, I can't control them. I have to surrender them to God. We're simple and powerless for a purpose. That purpose is to magnify God's character. If we were powerful, where would God be? Forgotten. Neglected. Not glorified. Our work would be of ourselves which is directly contradicted by this passage.

The phrase "we do not lose heart" is used twice in this chapter. In case Paul's message isn't clear, he tells us in Ephesians and Galatians to 'not lose heart.' 
Galatians 6:8-9 --- "For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not lose heart." 
Ephesians 3:11-13 ---"This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him. So I ask you not to lose heart over what I am suffering for you, which is your glory." 
Do not lose heart, brothers and sisters. God will sustain you. "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;" (v8-9). God sustains, renews, carries the situation for us. He sustains us through his Body. One of the things the speaker at chapel pointed out, is that God uses the body of Christ to help us carry our burdens. When we need to hear Biblical truth and have an example of God's love to remind us of who He is. Community with the Body is important. The Body prays for us and with us when we cannot. The Body lifts our burdens when it is too heavy for us to carry on our own.

"For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God" (15). The affliction and suffering are for your sake. How often we plead for God to take away our affliction and not consider what He wants to teach us through it. As God gives grace to you, he also passes it to others through you. This reminds me of a family back home where the daughter has been incredibly sick for two years now. (At least, I think it's two years.) She's been in and out of the hospital constantly, has had numerous trips to Cleveland to see specialists, and was in a nursing home for two or three months. Talk about affliction! But God. I want you to think about that for a second. But God. Their family has become strong as a unit and as individuals. They give me hope. They give friends and family hope. The grace God has given them has poured out to other who know them. If this family can pull through this affliction with God's grace, maybe I can too. I'm confident that this family would not be such a strong example of Christ without this affliction in their lives. It has not been easy for them or anyone who knows them, but the reward they are reaping is significantly greater. God is given glory in this affliction.

Do not lose heart during your light afflicted, brothers and sisters. He's got a plan and He will carry you through it. If you are afflicted, burdened, I encourage you to read this passage and ask the Spirit to comfort you. <3
 

 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen. --- Ephesians 3:20-21

In Our Own Tongue

This link, brings you to a website with a video of the Kimyal people receiving a New Testament. In their own language. For the first time. Videos like this touch my heart and help me remember why Bible translation is so important.

Enjoy. :)

Two is Better than One... Unless They're Wives.

For my hour of contribution to the lovely SIL program, every day I spend a little over an hour with the five-year-olds (The Get-Along-Gang). There are nine of them this year and they're from all over the world. Very few of them were even born on the North American continent (if at all).

Whenever I go to the Get-Along-Gang classroom, they're usually eating snack or returning from playing outside. After their snack, it's time for a Bible story. Miss Aubrey (the childcare staff for the 5s) must think I do a good job because she frequently asks me to read it to them. Last week, one of our stories was about Jacob, Rachel, and Leah. I'd never read the story of Jacob quite like it was in this particular child's Bible Story book before. In fact, none of the stories are written in your 'usual' children's Bible Storybook way. A number of the stories point straight to Christ or to the deep message that the story symbolizes.

The story mentioned that Leah was ugly and Jacob loved Rachel, not Leah. Ok, we're normal so far, but then the it said something like, "But God loved Leah, even though Jacob didn't. People thought Leah was ugly, but she was not ugly to God. She was His beautiful daughter, His princess. So God gave her lots of children to show her how much He loved her." There was a picture of a happy looking Leah with five or six little boys clustered around her and she was looking toward heaven with a smile.

I'd never really thought about it that way before. Yes, God blessed Leah with children since Jacob didn't love her, but I hadn't thought of it as God showing how much He loved her. I guess I only ever really thought about it as a pity thing.

In my personal Bible time today, I read the real story (Gen 29-30). Leah acknowledges the Lord in the naming of her first four sons. I think there's a difference between the first three and fourth, however.
Reuben- "the LORD sees my affliction; therefore my husband will love me"
Simeon- "Because the LORD has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also"
Levi- "Now this time my husband will become attached to me"
These three are yearning for the attention of her husband. Notice the third time, she does not mention the LORD. It could be she was growing in desperation for his affection. Any normal woman would.

Judah- "This time I will praise the LORD" 

I looked through a couple of online commentaries to see if they had anything to say about this particular difference. It's not talked about much. The family drama between the sisters throughout the rest of the story and comparing Rachel to Hannah (1 Sam) is a more common topic. The only commentary that talked about said this: "Her fourth she called Judah, praise, saying, Now will I praise the Lord. And this was he, of whom, as concerning the flesh Christ came. Whatever is the matter of our rejoicing, ought to be the matter of our thanksgiving. And all our praises must center in Christ, both as the matter of them, and as the Mediator of them. He descended from him whose name was praise, for he is our praise. Is Christ formed in my heart? Now will I praise the Lord." (Wesley's Explanatory Notes)

Did Leah know the Promised One would come from Judah? I don't know. But I like to think that the children's Bible Story was right. I think Leah did find comfort in the LORD. Not only in His gift of fertility, but in who He is. Yes, Leah had her bad days. Wouldn't anybody related to someone like contentious Rachel have bad days? Her life, whether she agreed in deceiving Jacob or not, was hard. But she was still chosen and used by God. His promise was for her too. And He loved her.

It's hard to remember that the stories we read our children are for our benefit, too. We can never be reminded too often of God's care. We can never be reminded too frequently of His sovereignty. 


"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." --Hosea 2:14

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." --Matthew 5:8

Intellectual

I'm not the sharpest spoon in the drawer, the brightest candle in the box, the strongest timber in the forrest or whatever they say in your region of the country or world.

I'm no intellectual. Yeah, I'm taking a few graduate courses, but I can't say I'm all that fond of them. Maybe if they were about phonology and morphology instead of abstract theories about anthropology and how to do language survey. Because I know those things. I understand phonemes. They directly relate to something I understand. Phonetics, sounds I can perceive with my auditory nerve, graph on paper, or (in a sign language sense) form with my hands.

I don't understand computer systems or how you program an iPad program to be a cutesy Inuit girl or a Japanese puppet. Last evening, I attended SIL's weekly colloquium which is an academic lecture by a special guest about some project or research they've been working on. The first two summers at SIL I didn't usually attend colloquium because I didn't understand what people were talking about. Er, maybe I did, but only to a very small and shallow extent. I was fascinated by this summer's first colloquium based upon data from an Asian language of Myanmar. Tone of the language reflected patterns that are common in African tone languages. Not Asian languages. Excitement!

But I digress...
Last evening, our speaker was a professor from UND (Dr. Tim) who talked about technology (particularly for the iPad) that's used for language acquisition for children. A number of us had brought other things to study or glance at while the talk went on. We all thought it would be boring. We never touched our materials. Dr. Tim's presentation was fascinating. Everyone's lungs was filled with the inflation of awe. It was exciting and fun! None of us, or very few of us, at SIL would have even thought of using programs like that as a language tool or how to implement it.

Are programs ready for use directly on the field? Certainly not. Is it a starting point? Absolutely.

I really enjoyed Dr. Tim. I was impressed by the amount of respect he showed for Albert (the SIL director) and SIL in general. A number of people asked him questions during the Q&A afterward that he couldn't answer. His way of thinking was slightly different. Of course, he's never been on the field in third world countries or undertaken a term of literacy, but he recognized them as important and appreciated our input.

There's usually a snack 'n' chat time after the Q&A. Lo and behold, Jim Waters who teaches the Morphology and Syntax course for Package A (1st summer) came up to me and asked me what my plans were. Now, I have a lot of respect for Jim. He's one of the calmest guys you'll ever meet, super sweet, loves his wife, loves Jesus, loves linguistics, and has a doctorate.

I'm slightly intimidated by instructors/consultants/doctorates because I don't want to look stupid. I've gotten okay with handling these people in a one-on-one setting. During my talk with Jim, who should walk up to join our conversation of Kieth Snider. Now Kieth has spent most of his life working with tone in African languages. He's the sole teacher of SIL's class on Tone which is offered every other year. He received his doctorate in African Linguistics from Leiden University (for those of you who don't know, Leiden is in the Netherlands). Crazy smart Canadian.

Now it's both of them and me. I figured, "I could learn some pretty interesting things from these guys." I proceeded to ask Kieth a question I had for a class I'm taking. Before Kieth could answer, Jim asked me if I had met Jim Roberts. Yeah, I'd met Dr. Jim Roberts, the linguist from Chad who always has an enthusiastic tone in his clear voice, loves to crack jokes and be the first to laugh at them with his hilariously fake sounding yet genuine laugh. I suddenly realized that these three men were all wanting to know what I was taking and what I planned to do and why. Three of (what I consider) the best minds in linguistics in all of SIL gave me their attention. To say I was slightly nervous would be a bit of an understatement.

I thought more about this encounter afterward. None of the men I've mentioned above think of themselves as anything spectacular or special. At SIL, everyone is on a first name basis. That goes for the director as well as for the children. Doctorates with big egos don't go for that type of stuff (believe me, I've seen them). Each one of these guys started out in Linguistics 101 or got their undergraduates in something totally different before they discovered linguistics was their calling. These are all men who've spent blood, sweat, and tears in the African or South American sun analyzing syntax and tone so that other people could learn about The Son.

Maybe intellect is in the eye of the beholder. I certainly have more education than many unliterates around the world some of which I'll come in contact with one day. But if these men aren't classified as intellectual, I don't care much to be an intellectual either. I do hope to earn a masters degree some day or maybe even earn a PhD, but I hope to be like these men: Nerds with words who love Jesus.

A Vision For Missions: A Book Review

This review will be based on Tom Well's A Vision for Missions. You can find this book here on amazon.

I checked this book out of my church library at the advice of my pastors, Bill Glenn and Jerry Dill. I was surprised to see how small a book it was (only 157pp).

The book is based around three things:
1) Tom's first thesis: "God is worthy to be known and proclaimed for who He is, and that fact is an important part of the missionary motive and message." (p 9)

2) Tom's second thesis: "Those who know the most about God are the most responsible and best equipped to tell of Him." (p 9)

3) A quote from Williams Carey: "It's taken from a talk Carey had with a Brahman in 1797. At that time Carey had not yet baptized his first convert. The Brahman was defending the worship of idols. Carey cited Acts 14:16 and 17:30.
       God formerly 'suffered all nations to walk in their own ways,' said Carey, 'but now commandeth all men everywhere to repent.'
       'Indeed,' said the [Brahman], 'I think God ought to repent for not sending the gospel sooner to us... If what you say is true, why  have I not heard of it before?'
     In brief, Carey says two things: 1) At one time it pleased God to keep back gospel from India. 2) God has His reasons for doing so." (p 12-13) 

After laying these three things before the reader, Tom goes on to explore the character of God in the two-thirds of the book. This was probably the most beneficial and wonderful part of the book for me. Some of the characteristics he talks about are The Graciousness of God (ch 7), God, Self-sufficient (ch 3), and God's Sovereign Power (ch 4). Tom makes it clear that God is God. We do not have to apologize for who our God is. All of these things are tied into God's heart for His created peoples. I had never thought about God being a missional God and what that truly and practically meant.

The last third of the book is about how William Carey, David Brainerd, and Henry Martyn specifically were influenced by the character of God in their missions and their attitudes about God.

I highly encourage you to read this book. Tom is to the point and blunt. His message is clear, strong, and he backs everything up with Scripture. I found it particularly encouraging and refreshing. If you want to understand the heart of God and learn more about His heart for the nations, this book is for you.