Baffled

I don't consider myself to be an intellectual. I don't claim to be smart or dumb. I consider myself pretty mediocre. I am easily baffled but I don't have a problem filling out an order form or billing information or renewing my vehicle's registration online.

Some of the things that baffle me are as follows: 

Calculus

Whether zebras are white with black stripes or black with white stripes

People who are just plain mean or bitter

X bar theory (for all you linguists out there)

Plain bagels

Hot dogs

IU fans

Food Stamps

Another thing that baffles me is life.

Think about it.

Every morning you wake up, you anticipate the rest of your life being the same as today or relatively similar to yesterday. If you do think there's going to be a change, it's one you anticipate or one you are in control of. One of the biggest illusions we have as Americans (or as human beings) is we each think 'I am the master of my own destiny.' Well, no. 

Within the last year

4 good friends of mine have been fired or laid-off from their jobs

2 have been diagnosed with progressive cancers

1 of the above died a month ago

A friend's baby was born already dead

Close friends are experience major chronic pain

Both of my parents have had surgeries and spent more than two days each in the hospital

For the first time in my life, my dad was unable to work for months

Within the last few weeks, more than three dating couples who had been together between 15 months and 3 years broke up

Friends, family friends, and family are all having issues outside their control and others are suffering life long consequences for past decisions

I don't know if it's because of my age or what, but I don't remember this much sorrow going on in the lives of those close to me before. My heart aches for these people. It baffles me that God has spared me from enduring these things. 

I've been thinking about this a lot over the summer:
Why has the Lord chosen to spare me? I'm no better than these people. As a matter of fact, I deserve to be the one enduring unimaginable troubles.
But this is not his plan for me. Maybe he is breaking my heart for these loved ones that I may pray and serve them. Maybe he does have unimaginable troubles in store for me and he's called me to learn from the trials of others in preparation for my own.

Through the above people who are suffering, I see God providing in equally unimaginable ways. God's grace in action, God's love in action, people coming closer together or hearing about him for the first time. Not all suffering leads to despair.

I pray that God provide for their needs and that I learn from their experiences and can encourage them. I also pray, with a burdened heart, for those who don't know him. His heart breaks for you. Let him catch your tears and lift you up.
It will cost you your life, but it will be a life worth living.


"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." --- Matthew 11:28

Wrapping Up the Summer

I apologize if this post contains way more information than a normal blog post should. I had every intention of writing a post weeks ago, but things like SIL, moving, and my job had other plans. ;)

The last two weeks of SIL, I was fortunate to be in bed before 1:30am. Seriously. I slept so little during the week and I napped once or twice. I usually nap all the time at SIL. Haha, not this time! My weekends weren't any better. The second weekend of July I went to Minot, the third weekend of July I went to Detroit Lakes, and the last weekend of July I went to Minot (once again) for the State Fair. I really enjoyed my time at SIL despite the deadlines and project requirements etc. Somewhere in there I had a week that had over four projects due. Finals week was my easiest week since June. Yes, finals weeks was easier.

I was glad to be done with classes, to see friends and family I had missed, and I was very excited to start earning a paycheck again. However, I was more sad to leave. I always enjoy my time at SIL, but each summer has been different from all the summers before it. I'm in a different place emotionally and spiritually each summer and each summer I learn something about God that positively astounds me.

I was blessed to have two riding companions come with me as far as Chicago on the return trip. Their names are Larinda and Brenda*. Larinda is the 4th (I think) of twelve or thirteen children. She's a graduate of Moody Bible Institute and lives with her family in South Carolina. She hopes to do Bible Translation in South America. Brenda has two siblings (I think) who are brothers. Brenda is Korean but she grew up in China where her dad was/is a Bible translator. Brenda graduated from high school early and finished her undergraduate degree at CanIL in Vancouver (the Canadian version of SIL that also offers courses during the fall and spring). Brenda and Larinda both started their Masters programs this summer. All three of us were homeschooled. :)

We left Grand Forks on Friday at 2pm CT. From Grand Forks to Minneapolis is a five hour drive, but with these ladies it felt like two. We rolled into Chicago two hours later than we had anticipated, but it didn't matter so much to us. After dropping off the two girls, I trudged the rest of the way to my parents' home in Rossville, IN and passed out on the couch around 6:30am EST. I am so thankful that I had sermons on my iPod to listen to. They engaged my mind long enough to help keep me awake and alert instead of becoming a zombie.

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I slept until about noon when Dad came downstairs. He was the only one home (Mom and the twins were in Florida visiting Grandma & Grandpa) and was surprised to find me on the couch.
"I thought it made more sense to come all the way here and leave my stuff from ND here instead of unpacking it in West Lafayette just to pack it all up again," I said. Or at least, that's what I meant to say. It was a rough day. I'm not a pro at pulling all-nighters and it usually takes me days to recover from pulling one. I left Rossville around 1pm to start packing up my share of my apartment in West Lafayette. I was able to get an extension on the lease, but I didn't want to stay any longer than I had to. Besides, it's hard to get people to come help you move in the middle of the week. It was a Saturday, my family (for the most part) was gone and my best friend was out of town, so I thought my time was best spent packing up.

Now, I had heard of people moving home for the summer from college and the occasional grown-up kid who couldn't make it on his own and had to move back in with Mom & Dad and I was totally okay with the fact that I was going to be living at home again. My family and I were both really happy that we were all going to be living together again. But I hadn't anticipated how hard it was going to be to squeeze my share of an apartment's worth of stuff into my former bedroom. I didn't even take home half of what was mine.

I was by myself packing, I was sleep deprived, my allergies were so bad my eyes were watering and I was sneezing to beat the band, top that off with me being allergic to dust and the worst allergy season in Indiana I can recall, and I give you a pretty pathetic version of me on August 3.

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Sunday (August 4th), I got to reunite with my church family at First Baptist in Delphi. It was glorious to fellowship with them and be at my church home. A number of people offered to help me move all my stuff which was incredibly helpful. If you're reading this, and you were involved, I just want to reiterate how thankful I am for you. :)

Monday (August 5th) was my first day back at work. You may recall I started working as a receptionist for Vector Marketing in the Lafayette office back in April. I wasn't very focused or productive. Tuesday felt almost as bad.

Tuesday (August 6th), after I got back from day two back at work, I packed up a duffle bag of two to three days worth of clean clothes and toiletries. Mom and the twins got back from the airport around 9pm and Mom, Rebecca, and I were on the road by 10:30pm headed for Colorado Springs.

Now, the back story for the family we were going to see in Colorado Springs is a blog post in and of itself so I will save that for a later time. What you need to know for now is that the woman who was like my second mother while I was growing up went to be with the Lord and we went to Colorado to visit her husband and children.

After another all night trip, we arrived in Colorado on Wednesday afternoon. Thursday, Scott (the husband) took us on a drive to Hoosier Pass, Buena Vista, Fairplay, and South Park (yep, it's a real place!).

We came back after a super duper long drive on Friday (well, technically Saturday morning) and were beat on Saturday. Three all-night drives in a week may be a little to much for me.

Since then, I've been working five days a week (roughly 35-38hours) and meeting with people to catch up. I still have boxes that haven't been touched since the day I left the apartment stacked up in my room and the garage. However, I blame my allergies for holding me back. I feel like I need to take another Benadryl every time I open a box. At least my bookcase now hold (mostly) books and my international collection is sitting nicely on my dresser. Next to my beta fish (it still surprises me that he's still alive). 

I will leave you with the above for now. I plan to write more regularly as I get into the swing of this new life.

As they say in Canada,
Keep your stick on the ice ;)



* is a pseudo-name. I don't know how sensitive I need to be with her information so I am referring to her by a made up name.