It's 1:17pm central time. Wilkerson Dining Hall served traditional wings and celery (my favorite special lunch item) and the hot weather of the past few days has broken to a lovely high 70s. I've finally figured out how to circulate air in our enormous dorm room with four fans and I'm starting to talk to more people back home in preparation for the journey two weeks from now.
This time is always bittersweet: two weeks left in this nine week trail of blood, sweat, laughter, and tears. I've soaked in every possible moment of this experience. Yes, it has been my heaviest summer work load since Package A (first summer) and my attention span is now short and my apathy level has risen, but SIL is so much more than classes. It's linguistics. It's community. It's a spiritual journey. It's field preparation. It's beneficial. It's hard. It's exhausting. It's refreshing.
It's hard to leave. Some of us are going home, wherever that is. Some of us are going far away for work or research. Some of us will be living in limbo for a few weeks until our next phase starts. Some of us are getting married. Some of us will never return to SIL. There's a part within me that doesn't want to leave and a part of me that can't wait for it to be over. I look forward to being home and seeing family, friends, and co-workers. I don't want to forget what I've been learning here or go back to a mundane routine.
I'm simultaneously excited and terrified about what life will be like when I go home. Before this summer, I was sad I wasn't going to get my summertime in Indiana (which I haven't had since 2010). Now, I'm considering returning to North Dakota next summer as well and pursuing a masters degree.
Yes, a masters degree. I'm currently enrolled as a non-degree seeking graduate student at the University of North Dakota and I'm taking 9-credit hours. It just so happens, that 9-credits is the limit a grad student can transfer into their program. For SIL, the total credit requirement is 32-credits, 4 of which are supposed to be thesis credits. That leaves 19 other credits which I could cover with two full-time summers. Plus, credits are good for seven years. Mine will be good until 2020 (scary!). Theoretically, I could return to SIL for one of those summers next year, do a 4yr term with Wycliffe, return afterward for my last summer at SIL and then write and defend my thesis the following summer. It seems so simple! (notice the word 'seems'). So that's one thing I've been thinking about.
This has been my first summer here without the lovely London Cline (now Brumleve). God gave me such a priceless treasure in her. Not that God hasn't provided a super cool roommate for me this summer. The illustrious Beth Gray has been awesome. At her wedding, London and I agreed we needed to Skype sometime before I went back home. It didn't happen until earlier this week. I anticipated our Skype session to last for an hour and a half or so and to be somewhat about life stuff and somewhat about spiritual stuff. After our first Skype session, we had only covered some life stuff and hadn't even scraped the surface of what we wanted (and probably needed) to share. We scheduled for the next day at the same time. Again, almost two hours of life and getting into deep stuff mixed with spiritual stuff. Our third Skype session is scheduled for Monday afternoon. I can't wait to see what we can share with each other. From my first day of SIL ever, she's been such an encouragement to me and I've been so blessed by her. Thank you, Lord.
As much as I love pouring my heart for the world to see on this blog of mine, I do have a test in Ethnographic Methods today at 4. Your prayers are much appreciated. Ethnography isn't exactly my strong point and there are so. many. terms. agh.
I have more things to tell y'all about, but they will have to wait for later. ;)
<3
Friday, July 19, 2013
Sunday, July 14, 2013
If the Lord wills.....
James 4:7-8, 13-17
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
13 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— 14 yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. 15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. 17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
Psalm 37:4-5
4 Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.
I've been chewing over James 4:13-14 & 17 in my mind for a couple days now. In children Sunday Schools or youth groups, this passage is usually tied with making money or getting rich. The message is so much deeper than that.
I've been writing letters to some friends I have who are graduating from high school and trying to figure out what advice or wisdom I should give them that I didn't have when I graduated from high school. Looking back, I've realized that I was viewing my future as a compromise between me and God. I wanted to major in Elementary Education so I could be a light to kids in public schools. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely people who are called to do that and it is not an easy calling, but the problem was with my mindset. "Today or tomorrow I will go and become a teacher for awhile and after I've worked enough I'll get married, have children and be a stay-at-home mom" (again, nothing wrong with that if that is your calling). Notice how I critiqued James 4:13 for myself. My motives were pure and admired by lots of people. I love children and legitimately wanted to help them. It was going to be my ministry. I was sure God understood that and would bless it. This is the double-mindedness James 4:8 above is referring to.
This is the interesting part, I hadn't picked my major initially for the purpose of ministry. It was a degree, it was a guaranteed profession, a job I knew I would enjoy, and I'd get summers off to travel and teach English or something, very me oriented things. Around this time was when Brandon Heath's "Give Me Your Eyes" was popular and I seriously considered the message of the song:
It wasn't until I started thinking of it as a ministry that my heart began to change. I prayed and asked God to give me His eyes and to show me how He felt about those around me. When I began to see with His eyes and reached out to those around me, I realized a school was not my ministry. This was about the time I took my first linguistics class.
This was a period of intense growth in my spiritual walk. I was mourning a failed relationship and hurting when I came across Psalm 37. The whole chapter is about trusting God, delighting in His character, and giving Him everything. I began to draw near to Him and find healing in the character of God and committing myself to Him. Yes, I had already been saved, but "committing your way to the Lord" is a daily act. When we commit our way to Him daily and delight in His character He fulfills our desires because He gives us those desires. I desired to serve Him no matter what that looked like. I discovered that God was calling me to something far greater than what I had thought He would bless. He was calling me to a life of service and sacrifice for His glory.
If the Lord wills, I will finish my application with Wycliffe and leave for the field in about a year. I will serve Him as much as I can wherever I am until then. My life has been radically changed. I never thought I would do missions. I never imagined how God would change me over the last four years. I never imagined how much He would shape my desires to His desires. I never imagined how simultaneously difficult and wonderful it would be. I trusted Him, and He acted. In my life and in the lives of the people He's helped me see.
I encourage you, brothers and sisters, to pray for God's eyes. I encourage you to delight yourself in Him and trust Him. Know what your true calling is and do it.
He just might radically change you.
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
13 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— 14 yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. 15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. 17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
Psalm 37:4-5
4 Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.
I've been chewing over James 4:13-14 & 17 in my mind for a couple days now. In children Sunday Schools or youth groups, this passage is usually tied with making money or getting rich. The message is so much deeper than that.
I've been writing letters to some friends I have who are graduating from high school and trying to figure out what advice or wisdom I should give them that I didn't have when I graduated from high school. Looking back, I've realized that I was viewing my future as a compromise between me and God. I wanted to major in Elementary Education so I could be a light to kids in public schools. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely people who are called to do that and it is not an easy calling, but the problem was with my mindset. "Today or tomorrow I will go and become a teacher for awhile and after I've worked enough I'll get married, have children and be a stay-at-home mom" (again, nothing wrong with that if that is your calling). Notice how I critiqued James 4:13 for myself. My motives were pure and admired by lots of people. I love children and legitimately wanted to help them. It was going to be my ministry. I was sure God understood that and would bless it. This is the double-mindedness James 4:8 above is referring to.
This is the interesting part, I hadn't picked my major initially for the purpose of ministry. It was a degree, it was a guaranteed profession, a job I knew I would enjoy, and I'd get summers off to travel and teach English or something, very me oriented things. Around this time was when Brandon Heath's "Give Me Your Eyes" was popular and I seriously considered the message of the song:
"Give me Your eyes for just one second.
Give me Your eyes so I can see everything I keep on missing.
Give me Your love for humanity.
Give me Your arms for the brokenhearted, the ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your eyes for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see."
It wasn't until I started thinking of it as a ministry that my heart began to change. I prayed and asked God to give me His eyes and to show me how He felt about those around me. When I began to see with His eyes and reached out to those around me, I realized a school was not my ministry. This was about the time I took my first linguistics class.
This was a period of intense growth in my spiritual walk. I was mourning a failed relationship and hurting when I came across Psalm 37. The whole chapter is about trusting God, delighting in His character, and giving Him everything. I began to draw near to Him and find healing in the character of God and committing myself to Him. Yes, I had already been saved, but "committing your way to the Lord" is a daily act. When we commit our way to Him daily and delight in His character He fulfills our desires because He gives us those desires. I desired to serve Him no matter what that looked like. I discovered that God was calling me to something far greater than what I had thought He would bless. He was calling me to a life of service and sacrifice for His glory.
If the Lord wills, I will finish my application with Wycliffe and leave for the field in about a year. I will serve Him as much as I can wherever I am until then. My life has been radically changed. I never thought I would do missions. I never imagined how God would change me over the last four years. I never imagined how much He would shape my desires to His desires. I never imagined how simultaneously difficult and wonderful it would be. I trusted Him, and He acted. In my life and in the lives of the people He's helped me see.
I encourage you, brothers and sisters, to pray for God's eyes. I encourage you to delight yourself in Him and trust Him. Know what your true calling is and do it.
He just might radically change you.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Not What I Intended
It has been entirely too long since I've blogged. I do apologize. My coursework has been heavy the past couple weeks and over the 4th I took an extended weekend in Minneapolis with my mother's sister and her family as well as my best friend.
It was incredibly refreshing for me. Earlier in the week I felt like I was on the verge of imploding from the stress of the work I needed to get done, but God gave me grace to do what I needed to before I could leave. In Minneapolis, my cousin Jonny, Bekah, and I watched a number of movies together, hung out, and made lava cakes. I had my first experience with a dinner movie theater where aunt & uncle had salads, Jonny had a whole pizza, and Bekah & I split wings and fried cheese curds to eat and watched Star Trek: Into Darkness. The movie was amazing. If you're interested in science fiction or are into anything Trekkie or StarWars like, or if you're just up for a good time, I totally recommend it.
I had brought my homework fieldbag with me to do homework, but every time I sat to do some, I couldn't remember what I read and I couldn't process what I was supposed to be doing.
It was incredibly refreshing for me. Earlier in the week I felt like I was on the verge of imploding from the stress of the work I needed to get done, but God gave me grace to do what I needed to before I could leave. In Minneapolis, my cousin Jonny, Bekah, and I watched a number of movies together, hung out, and made lava cakes. I had my first experience with a dinner movie theater where aunt & uncle had salads, Jonny had a whole pizza, and Bekah & I split wings and fried cheese curds to eat and watched Star Trek: Into Darkness. The movie was amazing. If you're interested in science fiction or are into anything Trekkie or StarWars like, or if you're just up for a good time, I totally recommend it.
I had brought my homework fieldbag with me to do homework, but every time I sat to do some, I couldn't remember what I read and I couldn't process what I was supposed to be doing.
Super awesome field bag
It turned out three days of doing no homework was exactly the refresher I needed. I was nervous about coming back in the afternoon on Sunday and having a weekends worth of work to do, but I made unbelievable progress within a 7 hour period.
I've noticed a trend this summer. As my stress and homework level peak and I wonder if I'm about to implode, I pray about it, read the Word, serve somebody here at SIL, and the stress nearly vanishes and I accomplish a lot.
On the whole, I've been trying to reach out to people here this summer and serve them in ways I can. There's a family I consistently give rides to church, I've babysat for a mom who's here without her husband, a couple girls I tried to encourage and mentor specifically, and an older gentlemen I've prayed with a few times for struggles he has.
This summer is different than previous summers. I have yet to take a nighttime walk to the chapel or the cube fountain and pour my heart out to God while I read Psalms and pray, I have yet to feel like I've hit my max with getting to know people, and I have yet to cry.
Well, let me specify: I have cried when praying with John*, teared when I've been struck by God's desire to pursue me or love me, I cried when the lady talked about her inability to conceive and the depression that followed. This is the first summer where I haven't cried for me. My heart has ached to celebrate with my younger 'sisters' graduating from high school and for my amazing siblings who are now adults. My heart has ached to comfort the many people I know back home who are suffering, miserable, or confused. I've cried for being overwhelmed with the love my church family has for me. I've received three cards from them this summer. The last one had so many notes of encouragement and prayer on it that covered both inside pages and the entire back with a few others that trickled onto the front of the card. I hadn't expected to receive any of these cards. Oh yeah, they all made me cry.
The more I grow in my faith, the more I'm amazed at how much I benefit from serving. Service, of course, should be done for others and not out of selfish gain. However, it's totally awesome! I would choose to serve these people without being blessed myself, but it amazes me that it does bless me at all and the more I serve the more I am blessed!
This post was originally supposed to be about roommate Beth and selected other people, but I guess this post was supposed to be about other things. :)
P.S. I'll be attending a youth group for my Grand Forks church sometime in the next week or so to talk about missions. I hope it goes well...
*pseudo-name
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