Finally

You know I can be very fickle. Or at least easily swayed.

I don't like to be wronged and I hate it when I realize I've wronged other people.

There's this app I have a love-hate relationship with called TimeHop. I've recently realized that I brace myself whenever I open it because in the first half of the year there may be a reminder of how dumb happy I was when I was with you and in the second half of the year there may be a reminder of how miserable I was once you were gone. When I was broken.

It's been five years now and I still feel like it affects me. But I realize it's different now. Still, I would think of it less if TimeHop didn't remind me.

I went into the 2012 section of my Timeline on Facebook today with a strong decision to erase anything and everything from that year that made me think of you or us. I don't know if you know this, but your timeline works in reverse order even when you go back to previous years. So I worked backward. From being completely angry to completely hurt, from hurt to completely numb, from numb to feeling like I was suffocating, from suffocating back to knowing I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. Your sweet replies or comments to things I posted. I realized something that I often forget- you felt all those things too.

The worst thing is when someone feels exactly how you do and you don't know it. I realize now you didn't wake up a day or two later alright and back to normal. I realize now that you never wanted things to end the way they did, that it all just kind of crashed regardless of either of our attempts or desires to stop it.

I stopped editing 2012 because I came to a realization: we were great together for that time. And that's okay. We were in a season together. Now we're in very different seasons apart. That's where we were always supposed to end up. It doesn't mean you didn't love me, because I do believe you did. I don't know if being together was God's best in that season, but I know that God used everything to make me want to be my best for God.

I don't know if it's silly to you that it's taken me so long to get here. You were woven into the fabric of my heart. It's taken me a long time to realize there are some parts that will always resemble you and that's nothing to be ashamed of or angry about.

So I'm writing this because I acknowledge that the season, the whole season, is over and I'm closing the book on that season in my heart. Kind of like the bittersweet movie endings I love so much. I don't want to be angry anymore, sad anymore, swap break-up stories anymore. I don't want to be defined by that. I'm starting a new season today that will bring me to a far off place. A season that you don't touch at all. Whenever my former season is brought to my memory, I'll smile for so many reasons that are and aren't you and be grateful for the smiles we shared.

 
I hope that you are healed and happy. Life is too short for brokeness to reign.
I hope all the best things for you and your growing family. That you are all growing closer to God.
I hope that she lets you play all the country music and Call of Duty you want.
I hope she is the one whom your soul loves.
I hope that you will forgive me for my bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, and lack of understanding for so long.
I hope you will take this for what it is- a post about me completely walking away from my season with you and letting it be.

~Fin~

End Saga

Set the Mood for the Post

Today has been a day of slightly late realizations.

For one, I slept on a ginormous chair in my best friend Bekah's room and never even heard her get ready for the day and leave for work. I mean, I slept across the tiny room from her and she had to walk close to my head to get to the door.

I leave for a Minnesota trip on Sunday evening so I decided to be ahead of impending needs and do laundry tonight. I realized, while pulling up to the Levee Tan, that it's Thursday. The Thursday before Halloween. Which meant I had to wait for a sea consisting of a wobbly Christmas tree, a few cheerleaders, a hot nurse, and a number of bananas to part in order for me to enter the parking lot.

You see, at Purdue we have this place called the Neon Cactus. It's kind of a big town/small city/campus version of a night club. The closest you'll get to a night club in a field of corn, at least. And on Thursdays, they have this special with huge mugs. Like huge. And colorful. I'm pretty sure I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I heard the word 'b*tch' between getting out of the car and entering the laundromat. And I find it strange how many guys were dressed as bananas this year. 

I suppose the only thing I really had to fear was finding a parking space and the possibility that an impaired banana could smash into my parked car. I also knew I was more likely to enjoy doing laundry late at night than before work tomorrow.

A part of me doesn't want today to end either.

In the morning, every last belonging of a Riepe in the town of Rossville will be wrapped, packed, or sold. My mom will squiggle her name on a few lines, she'll get in her car, and she'll be gone. But it's not the house that's bothering me.

It's the end of our last adventure as a family. Officially.

Of course, I always knew we'd eventually "break up." But I never really thought my parents would be the ones making the big move. And I know I'll see her next week when I pass through to see my Jon, but I miss my mom.

Breaking up is hard. And I don't want it to be over.



P. S. I didn't think to make my mom a mix CD until this evening. Lame.

"Don't Worry: It Gets Worse": A Review

This post half a book review and half a traditional blog post. Except I'm writing it from my phone. *Disclaimer: if I neglect the use of apostraphes where necessary, it is because my texting habits have deemed apostraphes optional. I do apologize.*

I recently finished reading Alida Nugent's "Don't Worry, It Gets Worse: A Twentysomething's (Mostly Failed) Attempts at Adulthood." If you're a twentysomething in college, read this book and take notes. It will prepare you for the days ahead. If you're a twentysomething college graduate, read this book. It will encourage you to know you're not alone in the struggle. If you're a parent of a twentysomething, read this book. It will help you understand what's going on in your twentysomething's life. If you simply enjoy great reads, read it! 

I fall into the twentysomething college graduate category. While some of my engineering fellow Boilermakers were starting their careers or landing RAships and TAships (again, in their career field), I was working nights at a chicken joint and occassionally selling clothes to Jenny, Mike, & The Kids. I'll be honest, there were engineering friends who didn't land a job right away, but a linguist with a BA who isn't fluent in a second language can't get very far. This is where Alida comes in.

Alida majored in writing (or was it English?) at Emerson college and graduated a lot like me: clueless and with unique skills. Alida's blunders were very similar to mine and her writing is quite entertaining and witty. 

Uncertainties are everywhere! Nothing good happens after 2am! Tequila unleashes the beast at your "mature" party! Alida shares these lessons while laughing at them and acknowledging universal truths. "We all put our pajamas on the same way: one foot at a time in front of a TV with chips falling out of our mouths." Her references to Cheeto dust? Totally about me. 

If you like witty writing, read this book. She does speak crudely, but it's not like most twentysomethings don't speak like that. 

This inbetween phase is hard. And it's weird. I can't remember the last time a saw a movie or watched a show about the phase between college and actually doing what you want to do. The trabsition, the making-it-happen, or starting out phase. I hadn't known what to expect and I've honestly felt stupid. It sounds stupid.

Christina L Riepe:

-22-years-old

-Purdue graduate

-Owns 15 books on Spanish

-Great cooking skills

-Works a receptionist

-And a waitress

-Sells knives

-Lives at home

-Dream: spending the majority of the rest of her life outside the US.

Not only does it sound silly, it sounds dumb. Those facts make me sound like some hippy, privileged, anti-American schmuck. But maybe I give myself too much credit.

Twentysomethings, I believe in you. I believe in you because you're learning how much a dollar really costs. I believe in you because you still believe there's more to life than earning a paycheck to pay bills. Even if that's the only thing on your mind this week. I believe in you because Bender from the Breakfast Club and DanIsNotOnFire & AmazingPhil are your heroes. I believe in you because you've made it this far alive. 

I also love reading your blogs.

For the rest of you, help a twentysomething out by paying a lunch date for them. They probably haven't eatten anything besides toast this week. And don't make fun of people you know who regularly post YouTube videos or write on Tumblr. They just might write a book.

<3

The Waiting Game: A Ramble?

I want you to think about the thing you love most to do.
The thing you would make time for in your schedule, cancel other plans for, and may make you forget things like sleep and (dare I say it?) food exist.

Now, I want you to think of the thing you are the best at.
Not in comparison with other people. The one thing that you can say "Hey, I'm ok at racquetball, but I'm a boss when it comes to _____." If you're that guy playing Call Of Duty for six-hours a day but has sub-par averages, then you cannot fill that blank with Call of Duty. If you're a beast at making Mac N Cheese, and you are legitimately good at it, put Mac N Cheese in that blank. I want you to think long and hard about this question before you fill in the blank.

The two things you've named above may be very different. They might be the same thing. However, are you willing to commit the rest of your life to doing one of both of those things till, say, your head no longer grows hair, you have wrinkles all around your mouth and you die? If you chose food or sleep for either of them, you're cheating. I could eat hummus and pizza till the Rapture happens, but you also need food to survive. If alcohol was your answer, I highly recommend you check yourself into a program that can help you safely enjoy alcohol. Or that death thing may happen sooner than you want it to.

What are you willing to do all day, every day, for the rest of your life? A few of you twentysomethings reading this blog might be freaking out right now. "The rest of my life?!?! I don't even know if I'll be in the same major next week!!!" said the dude with a YOLO tattoo.
It's a big question. An important question. Lots of people don't know the answer. Sometimes that answer is scary. If you don't know your answer, THAT'S OK.

If you answered all three of these, I'm so glad you have patience and are willing to be challenged in an ever so strange way.

If you answered all three of these in under five minutes, not only are you a faster reader than I am, but you've got something very special.

My answer for all three of these is linguistics. (surprise!) Specifically, field linguistics and language development. How that will practically look (i.e. translation, literacy, survey) I'm not sure. But, I believe in my heart of hearts that I was born to use linguistics to reach people for Christ.

This is what is more commonly known as a Calling. Most people spend an usually large proportion of their lives trying to figure out what their calling is and the other portion of their lives figuring out how to execute it. My problem is not finding this calling, although that stage was rough, but actually getting to the point where I can do said calling. I'm thankful for knowing what my calling is. I had a conversation with a coworker at Vector where I was expressing my great desire to go overseas ASAP when he said, "At least you know what your calling is." He then proceeded to look distantly with a 'you have something that seems impossible for me' expression.

I know what I want to do. But can I ever get there? As the days roll into weeks and weeks into multiple months, I feel like I'll never be where I want to be. What ifs start to surface and I pay a visit to the Stewarts' and play Settlers of Catan or a few rounds of Nertz in order to stop freaking out. I'm not sure what's worse: not knowing your calling or not being able to pursue that calling. (yet?) I'm sure this story, like so many others, will have a happy ending. I may be the one speaking at a banquet when I'm seventy-years-old talking about how I became a widow at a young age (not at this rate) because my husband was killed in some sort of guerrilla war against Christians but I stayed on the field anyway and if I can do it, you can too! and dozens of young adults will join the fight to end Bible Poverty.

It's frustrating. In the mean time, in the land between, in my desert, I desire so earnestly to do the work I've been trained for and called to do. And can't. Maybe there's a particular reason I'm being held back. Maybe I'm not ready for the mission field. Maybe my mission field isn't ready for me. Maybe there are people I'm not done ministering to here yet.

Until then, I'm playing the waiting game. While I wait, I'm working two jobs, hopefully going to start a masters degree, leading a Biblestudy (soon), planting a tree (so maybe that's a joke), and letting people know I'm passionate about this work.

I'm just really hoping I don't pull a Moses and wait forty years to be assigned to my duties.

But we'll see.

Top 5 College Movies

When I started college, I knew there were going to be a few movies that ev-ery-one had seen and maybe some movies that were borderline cult films. I assumed Star Wars would be one of them, but the disgust the hipster geeks had for the prequels squelched any hope of that. The Ring was another guess I made, but apparently that was more of a high school era film.

Therefore, ladies and gentlemen, I have composed to the best of my ability the top five movies of my college experience. These movies were the most quoted, the most seen, and the most likely to be played in the background to a game of euchre or with 'Sunny D' in-hand. 




 #5

 Zombieland

I'm pretty sure this movie reminded us how much we love Twinkies. I'm also pretty Zombieland is why we freaked out over the Hostess scare last year. Thanks to Zombieland, we now have numerical rules for life, we realized how B.A. Emma Stone is, and we remembered how much we love Bill Murray. Oh. And how much we hate clowns. So get past the gore and have a laugh.

P.S. Be a hero. 

 #4

 

Super Troopers

For all it's weirdness, I have to admit, I enjoy this movie. Totally thought it was the dumbest thing ever when I saw it for the first time. It's vulgar and the story line is weak, but hey, you gotta love the classics, right? If you hear your twenty-something saying the word 'meow' a lot, it's because they've seen this movie.

P.S. You may need more Maple Syrup. Or powdered sugar.

#3

 

Zoolander

Sadly, I've only seen this one once. But I hear about it. ALL THE TIME. In my opinion, the best installment of Ben Stiller/Owen Wilson ever. So if you're really really really good looking and you want to read good and do other things good, you should watch it sometime.

P.S. Will Farrell is also in it. *yesss!*

 #2

 

The Breakfast Club

As I said earlier, the classics never die. John Hughes was pretty ahead of his time. The older I get, the more I understand the themes of this movie. The less I hate Bender and the more I hate Richard Vernon. We've all got our own problems, our own brokeness. Sometimes you need your own group of misfits to admit that and start working through it.

P.S. Don't you forget about me.







#1

Mean Girls

"On Wednesdays, we wear pink" and "Boo you whore" were too very important lines to take away from this movie. Tina Fey managed to (mostly) reconcile a whole gym of high school girls and a dude in a blue hoody was brave enough to point out the fact that "she doesn't even go here!"

P.S. Fetch is never going to happen.








Do you agree with my top 5? If you've got movies you think I missed or you totally think I was off base with a few, let me know! I want to know about your college experience.

Keep Calm & Stay Fetch

What I learned in 2013

I have a more thoughtful post on the slate, but it's taking a large amount of time and effort to finish.... So today, I give you a list of things I learned in 2013.

1. I'm starting to feel old
2. Having more than two roommates can get really messy
3. Sometimes, even though you pray selflessly for someone(s) repeatedly, God's plan is different
4. The BMV is stupid
5. North Dakota isn't always super hot
6. I-29 does not have 24-hr convenience stores until you get to South Dakota
7. Even the best plans can seriously backfire
8. I have trust and jealousy issues
9. Survey is not like I thought it would be
10. When you reach out to bless someone, you are usually blessed more than they
11. I don't remember what happens in The Hobbit
12. My manager, Barry, is amazing to work for.
13. I am Gomer (Hosea reference)
14. Tattoos hurt
15. Just because you live at home doesn't mean you'll see your family more
16. Intentions are great, but only if you follow through
17. Key West is not a family vacation destination
18. Key Lime Pie on a stick dipped in chocolate is amazing!
19. Lobster isn't all that great
20. Aunts and Uncles are
21. Honestly is tough. Even with your best friend, but it's always worth it
22. Brian Adams will make you sentimental
23. So does Coldplay
24. And Matt Kearney
25. Retail is the slowest job ever
26. Just because you found your dream, doesn't mean you're ready to execute it
27. Not all dreams are meant to be fulfilled
28. Being an adult is hard
29. It's possible for someone you only met once to change your life. Forever.
30. Bloomington is gorgeous
31. Most relationships end. Make the most of your break-up
32. Even lava lamps need some TLC sometimes
33. Whether you realize it or not, you have baggage. Unpack with someone regularly
34. Don't rush. Rushing is bad!
35. Forgiveness is hard
36. The Bronte sisters are not all they're cracked out to be
37. Leading a Bible study is awesome
38. Feeling pretty is important
39. Whether you're scheduling someone for an interview or asking someone out, it's important to build rapport
40. It's possible to age ten years in a matter of months.
41. Babies are expensive
42. Saying goodbye is hard
43. What we have is a huge blessing. If it's forgiveness, health, healing, grace, mercy, redemption, salvation, reconciliation, trust, honor, respect, a good reputation, a positive outlook, it's way more than what you could have had.

44. Life is a gift. Unwrap it with care and always be thankful.


Soli Deo Gloria

Unicorns & Flannel

A week or so ago, I was having dinner with my boss when I made a reference to something that was very Scandinavian in nature.

"That was such a Minnesota thing," he said while he ate his slice of pizza. "What other types of Minnesota-specific things are there?"

I thought for a second. "Well, there's fishing. Ice fishing. The funny vowels in words like 'aunt'. The Red Green Show---"

"The Red Green Show is flipping amazing," he said staring me in the face. "Is it really Minnesotan?"

"It's actually a Canadian show, but there aren't many differences," I replied. We continued to talk about the Red Green Show and how awesome it is for a while when I came to this realization:
My expectations of men came from the Red Green Show.

Think about it. To me, a man is a guy who meets these criteria:
Wears flannel. Regularly.
Is hairy.
Goes fishing.
Goes ice fishing.
Spends more time in his garage or truck than in the house.
Spends more time fixing your vehicles, lawnmower, weed-whacker, leaf-blower, snow-blower, and ice fishing hutch heater than fixing your dishwasher or air conditioner.
Knows 101 uses (and counting) for the handyman secret weapon: duct tape.
If duct tape doesn't solve it, WD-40 will.
His motto is "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."

Nearly every single character in Red Green meets these criteria.

No wonder Hoosiers think I'm weird. I subconsciously have these expectations which are incredibly culture based. Ahh!

A guy like that is hard to find in these parts, but so is a guy who meets Biblical standards of manliness. Bekah and I have frequently had conversations about the young men in our lives and how we feel, well, disappointed in them. Apart from SIL (which only meets during the summertime) I can only fill one hand with the young men I know who truly love the Lord and are walking in him. Sure, we know plenty of guys who claim to love Christ or claim to be good guys, but in reality they're no different. A young man who truly loves the Lord is about as scarce as a unicorn.

Where are you, young men? Are you working on becoming that Biblical male? Are you growing in the Lord and learning to love Him more? Are you asking for the Lord to give you a greater desire for Him and His Word? Are you becoming the man God wants you to be? Are you becoming the man that I need you to be?

I need you. Our country needs you. The lost need you. Future generations need you. How long will you be satisfied with less than God's best? How many more times will you pick up the remote control instead of your Bible? Brothers, a number of us have lost hope in your existence. We need you to guard us, to guide us, and to encourage us.